positivity – Subhash Iyer

Morning Thought

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Indeed, what one thinks in the morning shapes up one’s day. By “one’s day”, I mean the thought patterns for the day which define how one would react to situations. Situations, obviously are quite beyond one’s control. But the responses to the situations aren’t – they can definitely be controlled to suits one’s goals.

One very powerful way which has worked for me to regulate responses and build mindfulness is the “Morning Thought”. It is not an original concept. Several experts have already shared deep insights on what I refer to here as the “Morning Thought.”

Very simply, “Morning Thought” is what one consciously thinks first thing in the morning. I stress here on “consciously”. So far as I am concerned, as soon as I wake up, my chattering mind is all over the place – having just got free from its wild dream-world and into the cage of conscious existence.

A few years ago (no idea when), I realized that to regulate the day and make it productive, one should make the day’s plan early in the morning. I got into the habit of mentally listing out the tasks or activities for the day and my strategies to attend to those tasks. I would mentally list out priorities, set mental (or mobile) reminders as required. This helped me a lot to keep my focus for most part of the day and I realized the importance of the “Morning Thought”.

But planning the day’s activities only helps to manage one’s material life.

The next version of the “Morning Thought” I adopted (maybe a year back) was of gratitude. This is an undoubtedly powerful thought to keep one happy during the day. Telling oneself that it’s a great day and mentally (or verbally) thanking God / the Universe for the little and large pleasures and comforts (home, kids, family, car, food, greenery, rest, job, money, etc.) is a wonderful way to calm the mind for the day. I continue my practice of saying thanks to everything in the morning.

About three months back, I came across another very significant “Morning Thought”. Surprisingly it came in a management course I undertook.

I digress here to state that one thing I respect about the West is that they work towards building up spiritual practices into day-to-day material life. A lot of management techniques reflect inner practices of developing peace and spreading joy. I personally believe that spirituality should be practice-able by every person while doing their normal activities.

So back to the “Morning Thought” which I use now.

It is: “What kind of a person do I want to be today?”.

This is then followed by a detailing of the question – some options which could come up are:

Calm and Peaceful
Focused on work
Kind
Grateful
Happy
Relaxed

This then extends to how the chosen aspect/s would reflect in the day’s situations. For e.g.: “I will be a calm person under work pressure” or “I will maintain focus on completing all pending work and relax later” or “I want to be kind to my family and co-workers today”.

As long as the thoughts are positive, it will steer the day to happiness and contentment.

For me, this one thought – “What kind of person do I want to be today” – sets a great direction every day. It is a paradigm shift from activity-based thinking to character-based thinking. The “Morning Thought” is powerful, potent. It is also a way of ensuring that one’s mind is under control from the start of the day.

My Creative Explorations During the Pandemic

PS: This post was written by Stuti – my 8 year old daughter for his school magazine for the year 2020-21. Written in Feb 2021.

During the pandemic I enjoyed artwork, painting, singing, helping, eating, playing, learning and dancing.
I made many paintings on nature and fantasy. I learnt origami and made birds and gifted them to many. One of my colorings was selected as the prize-winning entry by the Magic Pot magazine.
I composed a song which I call “Life is an adventure”. I learnt many more songs like “Speechless”, “How Far I’ll Go” and “Dive In”.
I have been helping my mother in setting the plates on the table during lunch and dinner. I helped my grandmother when she tried making new dishes like Naan, Pani-Puri, Hara-Bhara Kebab, Barbeque Grills, Burrito, etc.
I played many games with my family like Carrom, Cards, Scotland Yard and Cluedo. I also made my own board game.
I love to dance around the house.
I conducted two events for my family, one for Diwali and the other for Christmas. For Diwali I conducted a workshop including lantern making, nature songs, drawing and yoga. As for Christmas I conducted a celebration. I sang a song which I had composed. My brother did magic tricks. My mother sang a song and everyone else told stories.
Recently I started a newspaper in which my brother and I write the day’s main events.
I have also learnt to cycle. Cycling had been hard for me till I started using this mind-technique before I cycle – “I see it then I be it”. It builds my confidence.
I have also made many dishes during the pandemic. One of them, I call Heart Bakes. It is made of Choco Bakes and marshmallows. I also made many cakes.
With my family, I watched many movies. Some nice movies I remember are “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, “Charlotte’s Web”, “The Water Horse”, “The Last Airbender”, “Pee Wee’s Holiday”, “Finding Ohana” and “Free Willy”.
I read many books and I have started a mini library at home.
I have been making the best use of the situation by learning new things, by trying to spread happiness and being happy.

The New Normal – a “pet”spective

I got up after a sound sleep and was stretching myself. Then I slowly went around the house to wish everyone a good morning. Amma[1] and Appa[2] were in their regular house clothes. Naman was still in his night dress playing with his beys. That was unusual he never did that on a weekday.

I thought maybe there’s some festival today and my mouth started watering thinking about the different dishes. I then snapped back to the present when Naman called me out to go for a morning walk. I could not see many vehicles or cars on the road. Anyway, I enjoyed my walk and I felt fresh and energetic.

When we were back, the cuckoo clock sounded eight times. Stuti[3] was smelling of Jasmines. OK! She had already taken her bath with her new Jasmine body bath and was happily humming a song. Thatha[4] had gone for his morning walk. Paati[5] was with the newspaper. I peeped into the paper and saw her doing a Suduko puzzle.

Generally, by this time Naman, Stuti, Appa and Amma would have been getting ready to go to school or to work and only Thatha, Paati and I would be at home. They would mostly be in their room, talking about financial gizmo-wizmo. They had been bankers and after retirement spent their time in discussing shares, mutual funds, income tax and such stuff. So I had the rest of the house to myself.

I was very hungry by this time. I saw all the family members at the breakfast table. For some reason there was nothing special on the table. I wondered what kind of silly festival this was, with no special food to eat. I heard a new word “COVID”. I got excited thinking that was the name of the cat they were planning to buy! I wondered whether she would be a good cat. I wondered when they would bring her in? I forgot all about my food and went back and cuddled in my bed. The only thought which came to my mind was what game we were going to play when she came. My joy knew no bounds.

The day went on, but for some reason no one went out of the house. No relatives or friends came home. This happened the next day and the next and for many days. I realized “COVID Pandemic” was not the cat they were referring to but the ongoing festival.

Appa was working from home and always talking on his phone or through his laptop. The others did what they generally did on weekends and holidays. This went on till summer was over and the rains started.

I thought maybe this was an extra-long vacation. But strangely we never went out as we did on vacations. I missed the lake outings the most where I could walk across the lake conversing with the butterflies and little birds.

One day, Naman and Stuti woke up early as they used to when they went to school. I was happy that things may be coming back to normal. However, that didn’t happen. They went into their room and started a laptop each. I had never seen them operate a laptop so early in the morning. Appa was helping them.

I peeped into Naman and Stuti’s room. I was able to see two ladies with a lovely smile talking to them on their screen. They were calling her “Ma’am”. I then understood she was their teacher. I got scared that someone had trapped her in there and Naman and Stuti were trying to free her. I also saw a plus sign on the screen and got alarmed as I had seen it in on an ambulance. I was sad thinking that someone is sick and the ambulance is going to come. Then suddenly, I heard Naman saying that the Maths class is over. I figured out this was the “online class” that people has been referring to recently on TV, newspaper and several conversations.

Whoever invented online classes is as bad as the person who invented the COVID Pandemic. I mean, seriously who traps a teacher in a laptop to take classes. How is the teacher supposed to breathe in there? I just hope that they freed those teachers ‘cause I don’t want Amma to be trapped in there[6].From that day I decided to sneak into their rooms in the morning and keep my eyes and ears open.

Whenever Naman or Stuti’s name was called out to answer I could see them super excited. I also wanted to bark in excitement but Appa asked me to keep quiet I had no choice.

I could no longer secretly hear Thata and Paati discussing during the mornings. They have taken to whispering. If you ask me the reason for that, I’ll say its’ because our home has now turned into a schoofice – I mean school and office. I guess because this festival lasts for too long, everyone had to attend to work or school from home. I think the Government must have thought that people should continue their work from home so that they don’t disrespect the festival. Speaking about respect, I respect traditions but this is crazy! No one’s going out at all. Whoever invented this festival is the worst.

When I go out, I see everyone wearing a fancy cloth with an elastic across their mouth. Even Appa and Amma do that when they step out for buying things. Finally, some sort of proper tradition! That’s what I thought until I took a piece of cloth and tried to put it on myself. But it always fell off. I located the place the family has kept their cloths and I put on one of theirs. But that was the worst idea ever. I started suffocating. But it’s a good thing Stuti came to my rescue or else I would never have been alive to tell you all this.

I no longer see my friends during my morning walks. I mean the smiling 70+ men and women. Now that you think of it, this festival isn’t the worst it’s the worstest.

I earlier used to pray to God whenever I wanted some good food to eat but now I have started praying to God to end this festival.

Over time, I have got used to this situation. The morning routine has now filled my life with excitement. I enjoy the music classes. It is kind of fun to peep into two laptops. Since different classes would be on, I get to see different pictures. I have seen pictures of the solar system, human body, iron age, plants, Artic regions etc. To tell you the truth, I was shaken a bit seeing the picture of the human skeletal system. However, I am growing wiser each day with so much of knowledge and learning out there.

Anyway, now I am adjusted to what many call the “new normal”. Yet I wish for my carefree days to be back.

Oops! I forgot to introduce myself. I am Doodle, the pet dog of the Iyer family. Hope you liked reading my “Petspective” (perspective of a pet). Stay joyous…Take Care….

PS: This post was written by Naman – my 10 year old son for his school magazine for the year 2020-21. Written in Feb 2021.

PPS: We don’t even have a pet in the family.

[1] Mother in Tamil

[2] Father in Tamil

[3]One of my owners

[4] Grandpa in Tamil

[5] Grandma in Tamil

[6] She works at a school

Family Fun and Bonding

This was an exercise I really loved. As on many occasions, it was initiated by my ever-enthusiastic daughter – Stuti.

We were having dinner. Most likely my mother would have said something reflecting under confidence in herself. (Some people having this habit of under-rating their wonderful life – but that’s a different topic to write about).

Stuti doesn’t like people becoming negative and would not let this go by. I was sitting next to my mother. Stuti asked me to say something good about my mother.

One thing about my daughter – you can’t say “No” to her for 2 reasons:

She generally asks for the right things.
If you say no – she will gently, sweetly and persistently make sure you end up saying “Yes”.

It’s funny about family – while we may appreciate each other, we don’t express it. It’s generally taken for granted – the morning coffee, the timely food, clothes washed and stacked properly, whole days spent to get the month-end salary, the laughter – so many such day-to-day occurrences.

So, when Stuti persisted that I say something good about my mother, I thought (for maybe a minute) and I said a couple of lines about her balancing work and family when I was a child. It didn’t really change my mother’s perception (old impressions don’t fade quickly). So Stuti passed on the baton to my wife, Subhashree, who was sitting next to me. By the time she had finished, Stuti brought up the full scheme – everyone was to tell something good about everyone else.

We all fell in line and it was a great 15-20 minutes spent over the dining table. Six people telling each other what’s good about them. We didn’t get up even after we had finished eating as the round robin scheme was still continuing.

A lot of positivity was generated that night. It was an exercise which reinforced several beliefs and strengthened the familial bonds.

I would recommend every family to do this – maybe even on a regular basis and I do hope you see how much it makes a difference over time.

It Is/n’t Easy

Knowledge is Only for One Who Seeks It

People have a tendency, a liking to share what they know. It feels nice, gratifying actually.

The methods vary from person to person. Some are emphatic, some are matter-of-fact, some do it to show-off, some do it with under-confidence, some do it with kindness, some with the stick. No matter what the style, sharing of one’s knowledge is a natural tendency of humans. It helps in overall evolution of the human race. It in an integral part of the human ecosystem.

Information is the basis for knowledge. Information is a fact or situation.

Knowledge is distilled from information. It evolves after the person processes the information with his or her perspective and makes conclusions. The process of converting information to knowledge is also influenced by others. But the final take is always of the person who uses the information. Thus, a nuclear scientist uses information on nuclear reactions to create the knowledge useful to make either a power plant or an atom bomb. It’s a question of perspective and intent.

Information thus processed to knowledge can do many things to people – make them arrogant, humble, silent, talkative, able to forget and forgive, vindictive, all those contrasting things.

Our world today is greatly driven by information. It’s a flood, a deluge, rather. It’s too much for a person to handle. Yet the addiction for more information is strong. More the supply, greater the demand.

Along with information, gets passed knowledge created by people with their own perspective and intent. In the flood which rushes in, it is difficult for people to discern what is information and what is opinion. People end up taking in knowledge of others unwittingly. A large contribution, of course, is from social media. Other’s opinions are taken as facts and these borrowed opinions influence one’s thinking.

However, what I’m trying to say here is that the knowledge that one acquires is exclusively his or her choice. While there is access to vast stores of information and knowledge on the Internet, people only take what they are attracted to. A person is drawn to that he or she wishes to see. No amount of coaxing, forcing, presenting, requesting makes someone take in knowledge he or she did not seek out.

That is the really funny thing about knowledge. It can’t be pushed down someone throat. One only picks up that knowledge which he or she is seeking.

The crux of the matter, while there are enough messages floating on the positive side of things, the general tendency is to take in huge amounts of negative sentiments. Its futile to expect people to lap up what they do not intend to. This is the greatest challenge to positivism. Even if one person is trying to spread positive thoughts, it really depends on the whole lot of others whether the thought is really carried forward.

It’s necessary that each person does his or her bit to spread positivism. Doing it without expectations is the best that one can do. A good thought will find its way to one who needs it and one who seeks good thoughts will come up the same. It’s beautiful the way the world works with everyone doing their part in this huge cosmic design.

Open Your Mind Before You Open Your Mouth

This is such a powerful and relevant statement! One that can change a person’s life and outlook drastically.

The implication is simple, yet profound.

What one speaks, makes the most lasting impressions on others. While positive actions create a positive impression, negative words can create a stronger negative impact. People are prone to negative thoughts. It’s natural and comes easily. But having a negative thought doesn’t mean it must be expressed. Even if a negative thought must be expressed, it can be done in a way to have a positive impact.

If one intends to create a positive impact on those around, the best step that can be taken is to regulate one’s words. Words are obviously a reflection of the mind. However, it is easier to control words rather than the mind. Speech is a more conscious action than thought. For most people, thoughts flow without one’s control. It takes immense effort and practice to regulate thoughts. Hence, from what I have practiced, I can definitely state that controlling one’s speech is a first step to controlling one’s mind.

What the title means is, before speaking, one must examine the situation in more depth. A person may have acted in a particular way. But his or her action is an effect of whatever he or she has gone through. Without knowing the background, making a judgement and thereby a reaction is best avoided.

As a common day example, let’s say a person’s colleague or spouse shouts at him or her for something trivial. The general reaction is to shout back. But this is where the necessity for opening the mind comes up. Before reacting, if the person can spend some time to check what caused the colleague or spouse to shout, a lot of damage and un-pleasantries can be avoided. If the person can just train his or her mind to ask back, ‘Why are you shouting over such a small thing?’ with an open mind to understand the other’s problem, most of the time, the issue would start resolving.

In most situations, it is not required to react back immediately. A person’s ego drives him or her to react spontaneously to a negative remark. One is offended and therefore reacts back in defence. This defence offends the other person and the chain starts. It is in a person’s own control to break the chain.

It also applies to sparking off the situation to start with. If one sees something disturbing, if a little thought is put into what is really causing the disturbance, a negative remark can be avoided in the first place. For example, if someone sees his or her desk at office or room at home not clean and stuff displaced, it is likely that he or she will pounce on the janitor or his or her spouse for messing up things. For all he or she knows, maybe the person was just unwell and couldn’t clean up. If the thought process is tuned to understand the background behind the situation, it’s easy to convert the rising negative thought to a positive influence.

Here are a few suggestions on what an “open mind” could think before speaking:

Why is the person saying or doing this?
What is the impact of this situation or person in the larger picture of things?
What is the background – is there something behind the scene?
What could hurt the person more or worsen the situation?
What could soothe the person or improve the situation?
What action can help brighten up the person or situation?
Is an immediate reaction required or can the reaction be deferred?

Regulating ones words comes with practice. It is undoubtedly difficult at first and slows down a person. But over time, it becomes a powerful tool to win people.

What Happens, Happens for Good

Good

This story, shared with me by my wife, has been one of the most important learning in my life. I’ve presented it in ballad form to make it interesting.

A King there was, a mighty ruler,

A minister served him with all his wit.

The two were together in every task they could,

The minister said always, “What Happens, Happens for good”.

It was the minister’s life mantra,

And he said it every time when things went wrong.

The King did not object nor accept this,

He let the minister say as his own wish.

A war broke out with the ruler nearby,

Terrible was the ensuing fight.

The King and his minister as they were wont,

Fought side by side, showed bravery worth vaunt.

They won the war, our King and his consul,

But woe, a weapon hit the King at the end.

His left hand was hurt severely,

It had to be severed away, the war cost our King dearly.

Sad he was and he bemoaned the loss,

The minister came to console his Lord.

The king wailed “It has happened as it not should”,

The minister replied calmly “What Happens, Happens for good”.

The King towered with rage at the his aide,

“A great loss and you are pleased with it,

You are no well-wisher of mine,

If you think this loss is fine.”

In his anger, the King sentenced,

The good minister to the prison.

There he stayed, yet the man did not brood,

As always he said “What Happens, Happens for good.”

The minister cast away, the King went on alone,

To manage his affairs and all was well.

Till a day, the King went to hunt for sport,

With able people from his court.

And while he chased a grand game,

He strayed away from his men.

A tribal group finding him all alone,

Seized him and put him before their own throne.

The tribal king, in might and haught,

Was pleased with the catch of his men.

“Our Goddess will be pleased when we sacrifice you,

Foremost amongst men, this fate I bestow you.”

“You will be our sacrifice on her altar,

You will die and we will prosper”

Our King went numb in mind and soul,

How he wished, his arm was whole.

That night, the tribals sang and danced,

Around the King tied to a pole.

The time for the sacrifice neared,

This is the end the King feared.

The tribal priest came to the altar,

He saw the King and cursed his own.

“O King of mine, we cannot sacrifice this person,

It will only our state worsen!”

“And why not?, cried the tribal king,

“A royal sacrifice will please our Goddess.”

“It would have if the sacrifice was complete,

This man is without a hand, the sacrifice would be a cheat.”

In disgust did the tribal king,

Release our King and sent him away.

He rushed straight to the prison where,

The minister was spending his days in prayer.

“O friend, I was very wrong,

My lost arm has saved me today.

If my arm was whole, I would have a sacrifice,

For saving my life, my arm has been a small price.”

So spoke our King and released the minister,

As was his nature, he simply spoke his mind.

“I am glad Sire, you have understood,

What Happens, Happens for good”.

“You are wise and patient”, said the King,

“And have proven your mettle.

But tell me what good do you take,

For being in prison for none of your mistake?”

The minister smiled his benign smile,

And spoke with all calm and peace.

“Had I been not in this jail,

I’d have been on your hunting trail.

We would have been together caught,

By the unruly tribal lot.

Being whole of body by God’s grace,

I’d have been chosen for their sacrifice.”

The King bowed to the minister’s wisdom,

He re-instated him to all glory.

The King found peace as he understood,

What Happens, Happens for good.

Be Positive – It could be Worse

It could be worse - Garfield

I shared a post earlier on how one could manage to assert positivity in one’s mind. (https://subhashiyer.wordpress.com/2017/01/10/fooling-the-mind-to-positivity/). Here is another method that’s worked out for me.

It starts, of course, with the basic need again for people to be happy and not sad. A friend recently shared with me his learning that happiness is the normal state of one’s mind and sadness is an aberration. This is a beautiful learning – one that could change a person’s outlook to life entirely. I intend to share some thoughts on this later. But for now, considering that all humans have an essential need and drive to be happy and positive; it’s strange, yet common that this generally does not happen and people are driven into a web of sadness, a negative outlook towards situations, people and life in general.

While my earlier post was on giving oneself reasons to be positive, this method is about telling oneself – “It could be worse”. It’s a simple mind game again.

When faced with a situation which is not as expected, one could think of manners in which the situation could be worse. In fact, when you look at it, there is nothing called the worst possible situation – there are always possibilities when things could be worse.

For example, if one has been in an accident and his or her car is all mauled up, the worse thing could be that he or she could also have been injured badly and laid up. If there is a serious injury, the worse possibility could be that the injury is permanent and incurable, in case the injury has caused permanent damage to one organ, a worse scenario would be multiple organ damage and so on.

On a professional front, say some organizational politics caused a misunderstanding with one’s seniors – a worse situation could be a pink slip with no possibility of reinstating one’s position, if one loses a job, a worse situation is that it gets clubbed with a disease which prevents one from further job hunting, and so on. The possibilities of worse situations in a given situation are endless.

People generally only see what could have been better than what they have in hand. One look at what could have been worse helps a lot in understanding the benefits, the positives of the situation. It is then possible to look ahead for better to come rather than wasting time over what was not to happen.