Recovering from an Outburst of Anger

We all get angry at some point of time. While we strive to be mindful, calm, gentle, in control of ourselves, there are always occasions when we lose our cool and burst out.

I’ve had a history of outbursts – from small ones to SUPER LARGE ones. Over time, the frequency and intensity have reduced considerably. Yet, there are times, especially when work stress builds up, when I do lose my head.

Here is some analysis from my past few ones.

  1. Most outbursts aren’t even on the person/s who are related to the cause of the stress. Some innocent victim bears the brunt of the stress one allows to build up.
  2. The worst impact of the outburst is actually on oneself.
  3. An angry outburst is followed by several reactions within oneself:
    • Guilt
    • Ego
    • Blame
    • Complaint
    • Loss of confidence

On the path to leading a mindful life, I arrived that the below “formula” to get over the aftermath of an outburst quickly.

  1. Accept yourself – Get rid of the guilt. We are all human. While it may not have been right to get angry and hurt someone, what’s done has been done and there is no point crying over spilt milk.
  2. Accept the Other Person/s – They are human too and subject to the emotional waves we all go through.
  3. Accept the Situation – Lots of issues are completely beyond our control. While things may not be as one would like them to be, acceptance opens the mind to ways of making the best of a given situation.
  4. Apologize – The best way to put down one’s ego is to apologize. Easier said than done. The ego is a formidable opponent. But an apology goes a long way. Ideally, it ought to be genuine. But even a pretense apology is good enough to start with till it grows and becomes a genuine habit.
  5. Look Ahead – Action is a big healer. Once you know you have taken restorative steps, things look positive both within and outside.

Accept – Apologize – Look Ahead.

This should work for any out-of-control situation and help get over those negative sentiments that can pull one down.

The Best Compliment I got from my Children

One day, my wife asked my children what they liked about various family members. I don’t remember all that was said but when it was my turn, the answer was a revelation. I hope I never ever forget it and live up to it all my life. It’s been my sutra for a good family life, for being a good parent and enjoying the role of being a parent. 

About me, they said, “Appa likes to do whatever we like to do.” 

That moment, I was gratified, elated and blown away. That line holds a lot of significance for me. What better can a parent do than behaving with children in a way that they get acceptance. That line was the ultimate testimonial of acceptance.  

In my opinion, parents (at least in today’s social environment) aren’t meant to be sitting on high pedestals as authoritarians. They aren’t meant to “make” the kids do something or “shape up” the children in a particular way. Kids are smart enough and too well exposed to make their decisions eventually. 

Parenthood today, is a lot about acceptance.  

Consider this, people tend to pay attention to those whom they relate to. People accept others with whom they share common interests or common ideas. We make friends while playing badminton at a club, with other readers at a library, with people who like the same kind of music, with others who use the same brand of car and so on. We inherently look for people with similar likes and accept them while also trying to gain acceptance with them. 

The same applies to children. One can deduce that the best way to gain acceptance with one’s children is to like what they do and do what they like (of course, not all the time and not what is completely unacceptable). 

Truly, it’s not so hard liking what kids do. In fact, it’s enjoyable. For example, children love blowing bubbles or playing games. I am yet to meet an adult who would say they don’t love to do these. It’s only the adult ego that comes in and prevents one from enjoying those activities which get exhilarating as a child. Once that ego is set aside, a parent can well enjoy time with their children, and gain acceptance. 

As kids grow, parents refuse to indulge in child-like pleasures thinking it will show them in poor light. Maybe others will find it amusing to see a parent dancing away with a teenaged son on some contemporary music. Society may find it off-beat to see a parent day-dreaming with her child and talking of fairies and princesses.  

But what really matters is that the child would enjoy this kind of company from a parent. The bond becomes stronger; an openness is established that holds the family close. Acceptance of each other is paramount and there could be no better way than to have common pleasures.  

The step starts with the parent – not the child.  

While all behavioural changes don’t come with guarantees and warranties, in the least, it is most enjoyable to drop the mask of adulthood and let loose the child within in the company one’s own kin. It’s most gratifying when one hears their child tell them, “I love you because you like doing all that I like to do.” 

HAPPY DIWALI AND HAPPY CHILDREN’S DAY!!!

Theft in the Temple – Divine Will

Divine Will

The wise man, retired from the police,

Had served the Government and continued to serve his people.

His one belief that he expressed always,

That kept him going through joy or trouble:

 

“It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The temple was glad he was involved,

In its various activities, daily and festive,

They relied on him for advice and safety,

He told them that the best measures were preventive.

 

The priest one day, happy and excited,

Told him the dream that he felt was a vision,

The Lord was to be anointed gloriously,

This was, he declared, his granted mission.

 

“I will leave no stone unturned”, said the priest,

“To create grandeur as I have dreamed.

I rely on your help to achieve,

Please don’t refuse, O One, greatly esteemed.”

 

The wise one agreed but told the priest,

“We can take the task and do our best,

We will gather people and their support,

To His will, I will leave the rest.”

 

As: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The priest mumbled away,

About the glory he wanted to achieve,

He did not grasp the words,

Only in his triumph did he believe.

 

They toiled with the vision in all earnest,

The priest, the wise and many more.

To help anoint the Lord with gems and jewels,

Several devoted came to the fore.

 

The temple chest was full of riches,

The priest’s face was a wide grin,

“I have done it”, he told the wise man,

His boasts evoked in several men, chagrin.

 

The wise man said nothing,

He saw the priest exude all pride.

When people complained to him of the priest’s boast,

He only said his duty he would abide.

 

As he reminded: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The day for the coronation of the Lord neared,

The priest had locked away all the jewels,

He slept hearty one full moon night,

And in the morn, the tragedy befell.

 

“O Woe!” he cried when he entered the sanctum,

The lock was broken, the chest seen nowhere.

“Foul Thieves,” he cried, “What a sin and a shame,”

He cursed, he ranted while searching everywhere.

 

The wise one was called in haste,

He came at once, yet in a steady pace.

A melee had gathered at the temple,

He showed no stress on his face.

 

“See! See!” cried the priest when came the wise one,

“How low could people fall to steal from the Lord!”

Having been in the police by profession,

For all details, the wise one did for prod.

 

A bag was found behind the idol,

He asked what it had in it.

“These are of the Goddess,” said the priest,

“Thankfully, all is safe in it.”

 

The wise one laughed and spoke in a soft tone,

“Looks like the Lord has given away his, but not his consort’s

Gods like men seem to know what to give,

And with their womenfolk, they hold their fort.”

 

“There must be a meaning hidden there,

He has given away his own ornaments,

Yet saved that which we see here,

Let’s not worry much about this incident.”

 

And he repeated to the priest: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The priest unconvinced, call in the police,

The wise man saw this with some distaste,

He saw people rummaging all over the holy place,

And dogs sniffing around, piety going waste.

 

He laughed out loud when the dogs barked at him,

“So much for their abilities, they think I’m the one!

After having served the police for years,

To think my dogs are having all the fun!”

 

On the video footage they saw,

The thieves breaking the lock with much ease.

“I had asked for stronger ones,” reminded the wise.

The priest cowed away saying “Who would, the Lord displease.”

 

The police took clues and searched for days,

The thieves had made good their escape.

Nothing found, the police gave up the chase,

The priest worried how his vision would take shape.

 

The wise one consoled: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The priest was disappointed as his effort had failed,

But the wise one took up the task yet again.

He went about with renewed energy,

His goal he had, yet to attain.

 

Up came one wealthy wearing gold on his neck and wrist,

“Leave your woes to me, I will do it all,

I will donate twice what was stolen, O wise one!

For the Lord, this is but a contribution, small.”

 

The priest bubbled with all enthusiasm,

The wise one still remained calm and at peace,

New jewels were brought, the Lord looked glorious,

All was well, again at ease.

 

The day of the festival, he was asked to orate,

He shared what he had learnt from the theft.

“We worked hard and got all the needful,

We had to do it again, and no stone unturned left.

 

All has happened well, the Lord is pleased,

We mortals in our work take joy,

Yet, I learn again and repeat to you,

Do all you can, all efforts do employ.

 

Still at the end: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

The priest too humbled by the wise words,

Realized the folly of his pride.

He submitted to this learning and a new leaf turned,

The wise one’s mantra he thence did abide.

 

That: “It is the will of the Divine,

Before it none else works, not mine, not thine.”

 

Based on a true incident at Bangalore, India

What Happens, Happens for Good

Good

This story, shared with me by my wife, has been one of the most important learning in my life. I’ve presented it in ballad form to make it interesting.

 

A King there was, a mighty ruler,

A minister served him with all his wit.

The two were together in every task they could,

The minister said always, “What Happens, Happens for good”.

 

It was the minister’s life mantra,

And he said it every time when things went wrong.

The King did not object nor accept this,

He let the minister say as his own wish.

 

A war broke out with the ruler nearby,

Terrible was the ensuing fight.

The King and his minister as they were wont,

Fought side by side, showed bravery worth vaunt.

 

They won the war, our King and his consul,

But woe, a weapon hit the King at the end.

His left hand was hurt severely,

It had to be severed away, the war cost our King dearly.

 

Sad he was and he bemoaned the loss,

The minister came to console his Lord.

The king wailed “It has happened as it not should”,

The minister replied calmly “What Happens, Happens for good”.

 

The King towered with rage at the his aide,

“A great loss and you are pleased with it,

You are no well-wisher of mine,

If you think this loss is fine.”

 

In his anger, the King sentenced,

The good minister to the prison.

There he stayed, yet the man did not brood,

As always he said “What Happens, Happens for good.”

 

The minister cast away, the King went on alone,

To manage his affairs and all was well.

Till a day, the King went to hunt for sport,

With able people from his court.

 

And while he chased a grand game,

He strayed away from his men.

A tribal group finding him all alone,

Seized him and put him before their own throne.

 

The tribal king, in might and haught,

Was pleased with the catch of his men.

“Our Goddess will be pleased when we sacrifice you,

Foremost amongst men, this fate I bestow you.”

 

“You will be our sacrifice on her altar,

You will die and we will prosper”

Our King went numb in mind and soul,

How he wished, his arm was whole.

 

That night, the tribals sang and danced,

Around the King tied to a pole.

The time for the sacrifice neared,

This is the end the King feared.

 

The tribal priest came to the altar,

He saw the King and cursed his own.

“O King of mine, we cannot sacrifice this person,

It will only our state worsen!”

 

“And why not?, cried the tribal king,

“A royal sacrifice will please our Goddess.”

“It would have if the sacrifice was complete,

This man is without a hand, the sacrifice would be a cheat.”

 

In disgust did the tribal king,

Release our King and sent him away.

He rushed straight to the prison where,

The minister was spending his days in prayer.

 

“O friend, I was very wrong,

My lost arm has saved me today.

If my arm was whole, I would have a sacrifice,

For saving my life, my arm has been a small price.”

 

So spoke our King and released the minister,

As was his nature, he simply spoke his mind.

“I am glad Sire, you have understood,

What Happens, Happens for good”.

 

“You are wise and patient”, said the King,

“And have proven your mettle.

But tell me what good do you take,

For being in prison for none of your mistake?”

 

The minister smiled his benign smile,

And spoke with all calm and peace.

“Had I been not in this jail,

I’d have been on your hunting trail.

 

We would have been together caught,

By the unruly tribal lot.

Being whole of body by God’s grace,

I’d have been chosen for their sacrifice.”

 

The King bowed to the minister’s wisdom,

He re-instated him to all glory.

The King found peace as he understood,

What Happens, Happens for good.

Marriage

marriage

I wrote this poem for the occasion of my cousin’s recent wedding. It consists of alternate stanzas of Internet humor (written as a rhyme) and some learning.

 

You are getting married and you,

Are no more going to be,

The person who has been you.

What you could be and what not,

Let this poet now tell you.

 

I’ve heard of the couple who returned from the shop,

He asked for tea as he was ready very tired.

His wife gave him tea which was not too warm,

So he put his credit card into it as it was all fired.

 

To shop can be a great pleasure,

If it’s done for the other and in right measure.

Don’t go by the man whose card was overused.

Every moment spent together can be a great treasure.

 

There was a man who came all drunk,

And to avoid talk said a presentation he would make.

His wife said calmly, that’s fine dear,

But better leave the briefcase and your laptop please take.

 

Some find it hard to their feelings shout,

At home they don’t do what they do out.

A great couple can express to each other,

Their true self without getting all wrought.

 

One wife told her husband, I’m feeling heavy and fat,

Say something nice, make me feel bright.

Don’t worry dear, you’ve got most beautiful eyes,

They show things in true light.

 

To be oneself and accept what’s true,

To tell it as it is but not make the other feel blue,

It’s difficult to do but best done right,

For a lasting twosome, that’s the glue.

 

This father put his thumb print on the son’s report,

The son asked why a thumb instead of signing.

My dear son, with your grades, your teacher shouldn’t know,

That in an educated family you are living.

 

It’s good to take children as they are,

Rather than make them from their true self far.

Let them grow with the right values in place,

With themselves and not with the world they should spar.

 

A husband was asked the day by his wife,

He went crazy and scared thinking what the occasion was.

Birthday, anniversary of her or parents it was not,

His son said the calendar was torn and she was at a loss.

 

It’s not always expectations from the other,

That should keep a couple together.

When both help each other go through the chores of life,

From their faults they get a breather.

 

There is more to be said of what marriage can be,

But for now let suffice it be,

This bond is for both to help each other and grow,

And the wonders of life to together see.

 

Marriage is not what people say it is,

Say never that you wanted things be not like this,

It’s what you make out of it that it will actually be,

It’s takes both to join, understand and work to be made bliss.

 

You are getting married and you,

Are no more going to be,

The person who has been you.

I’ve told what you could be and what not,

Hope it will be useful to you.