During my recent vacation, I was having breakfast at the common dining space with my family. We were enjoying and possibly indulging in the excellent food. The chef’s preparations were simply too good to remember anything about mindful eating. 🙁
At the next table was another family – husband, wife and 2 boys.
Digression:
It’s a bit of a change if you’ve observed that nowadays, when out of home, the man of the home does the task of fussing over the kids (earlier it was the women). You see fathers taking their daughters for a walk while the mother is busy texting or talking to her friends on the awesomeness of the vacation. How times change! 😊
Back:
So, this gentle minded and voiced father was tending to his brood of two very active boys and I heard him say, “Eat well, else I won’t take you to the waterfall.” That line triggered off this post.
Now, it was harmless threat and I’m sure it was not real either. But that’s my point – why do parents say things to their children which they don’t mean and which make no sense 🤔. I’m sure irrespective of what the kids ate, the family would still visit the waterfall. I also feel the kids knew this. Do parents think that kids aren’t intelligent enough to see through such illogical statements?
A line stating “Eat well, else you wouldn’t have enough strength to trek to the waterfall,” might have gone better. I think kids should be given their due. If intelligent parents, expecting their children to grow intelligently saying meaningless things sets a pretty bad example.
The man I’m talking of, had all the love for his kids. I watched him over the day and saw him doing everything to make the vacation enjoyable for this family – not to mention paying for it all 🤑.
My point here is simply that when it comes to children, parents could be more effective in bringing discipline into the little ones by using more meaningful words. Empty threats only end up telling the kids that their parents don’t mean what they say.
To get a child to do something, it would be best to relate the action to something the child would miss if not done. For e.g., in the above-mentioned case, “Eat well else you would feel tired and not be able to enjoy the waterfall,” would tell the children what they would miss and give them the required meaningful incentive to eat well.
So:
Kids aren’t dumb, trust them for their intelligence.
Don’t threaten children to discipline them – let them know what they would miss.
If a threat is required – make it meaningful and implementable
Indeed, what one thinks in the morning shapes up one’s day. By “one’s day”, I mean the thought patterns for the day which define how one would react to situations. Situations, obviously are quite beyond one’s control. But the responses to the situations aren’t – they can definitely be controlled to suits one’s goals.
One very powerful way which has worked for me to regulate responses and build mindfulness is the “Morning Thought”. It is not an original concept. Several experts have already shared deep insights on what I refer to here as the “Morning Thought.”
Very simply, “Morning Thought” is what one consciously thinks first thing in the morning. I stress here on “consciously”. So far as I am concerned, as soon as I wake up, my chattering mind is all over the place – having just got free from its wild dream-world and into the cage of conscious existence.
A few years ago (no idea when), I realized that to regulate the day and make it productive, one should make the day’s plan early in the morning. I got into the habit of mentally listing out the tasks or activities for the day and my strategies to attend to those tasks. I would mentally list out priorities, set mental (or mobile) reminders as required. This helped me a lot to keep my focus for most part of the day and I realized the importance of the “Morning Thought”.
But planning the day’s activities only helps to manage one’s material life.
The next version of the “Morning Thought” I adopted (maybe a year back) was of gratitude. This is an undoubtedly powerful thought to keep one happy during the day. Telling oneself that it’s a great day and mentally (or verbally) thanking God / the Universe for the little and large pleasures and comforts (home, kids, family, car, food, greenery, rest, job, money, etc.) is a wonderful way to calm the mind for the day. I continue my practice of saying thanks to everything in the morning.
About three months back, I came across another very significant “Morning Thought”. Surprisingly it came in a management course I undertook.
I digress here to state that one thing I respect about the West is that they work towards building up spiritual practices into day-to-day material life. A lot of management techniques reflect inner practices of developing peace and spreading joy. I personally believe that spirituality should be practice-able by every person while doing their normal activities.
So back to the “Morning Thought” which I use now.
It is: “What kind of a person do I want to be today?”.
This is then followed by a detailing of the question – some options which could come up are:
Calm and Peaceful
Focused on work
Kind
Grateful
Happy
Relaxed
This then extends to how the chosen aspect/s would reflect in the day’s situations. For e.g.: “I will be a calm person under work pressure” or “I will maintain focus on completing all pending work and relax later” or “I want to be kind to my family and co-workers today”.
As long as the thoughts are positive, it will steer the day to happiness and contentment.
For me, this one thought – “What kind of person do I want to be today” – sets a great direction every day. It is a paradigm shift from activity-based thinking to character-based thinking. The “Morning Thought” is powerful, potent. It is also a way of ensuring that one’s mind is under control from the start of the day.
On 17th October, I reached the “Yogi” milestone in Black Lotus (YAY!!! 😊). To cross this milestone, one needs:
15000 Reflect Points (earned by Meditation and Chanting)
15000 Act Points (earned by Breathwork, Acts of Kindness, Mindfulness Activities and Gratitude)
1750 Reinforce Points (earned by reading and watching Wisdom content)
7500 Evaluate points (earned by Daily Evaluation)
I thought considerably before deciding to share this post. The issue is, it is difficult to write about one’s journey without a bit of pride and self-aggrandizement. So, let me start by moving that out of the way by saying – I know I’ve been doing a GOOD JOB (pat on my back 🤩). Read on to know why 😌.
Here are my statistics on 17-Oct-2021.
With the self-praise put aside, the purpose of writing this post is to:
Consolidate my thoughts
Seek the stories of others for my further learning, and
Possibly motivate someone on the Black Lotus path.
Below are some notable aspects and learnings from my Black Lotus Journey So Far:
Bringing the Mind to Stillness is No Easy Task:
I am still nowhere near being able to still the mind. After 15000 minutes (250 hours) of practice, I can but keep my mind still for a couple of minutes at a go. But those couple of minutes give a peek into what awaits if the mind is no more the master.
My daily practice covers 1 Guided Meditation and around 10 minutes of Silent Meditation (time subject to laziness 😋). That’s about the time I am able to earmark. Some time back, I started trying longer sessions of weekends and the longest was around 50 minutes. The session wasn’t “blissful” or anything that can be called “intense”. It was just as assertion that I can sit in a spot for that duration (on a chair and not even cross-legged – my legs hurt beyond 30 minutes).
My attempt is to touch 60 minutes plus – at least sitting in 1 spot. Keeping the mind focused during that time would come next. Yet, there is a contentment is being able to do whatever little I can.
It is Easier to Meditate than be Kind:
While Reflect points get added for every minute of meditation (whether good or bad), Act points don’t some in so easily. Apart from the points earned from Breathwork, one needs to earn the larger numbers by RAKs.
And this is my greatest learning – to be aware of opportunities where one can be kind has been the best thing Black Lotus brought into my life. I wrote about this hereearlier (The Universe Conspires for you if you’d like to Practise Kindness). Black Lotus has brought in an awareness towards others rather than being centered around myself. Other stories I wrote about kindness are here (That Day I Lived On)
Observing others’ Kindness:
Another major learning has been to be mindful to observe others’ kind acts. This was an activity in the “Live Like a Champion” Goal Pack and I found it greatly influential. It motivated me to share a few RAK stories done by others on the Black Lotus app.
If the favorite learning on my path has to mentioned – it is this – being aware of the good that people are doing around us; and patience to deal with the rest.
Mindful Activities:
The day’s mindful activities and the Mindfulness Nudge are another major influencer. They help me remember to be calm, poised and happy during the day apart from just the time spent in meditation. Specific ones like mindful walking, mindful listening, decluttering and mindful eating are too good to miss. They serve as a much-required reminder to slow down during the day. A specific advantage has been the ability to reduce distracting social media time. My experience is chronicled here. (Yes! I Finally Uninstalled Facebook).
Health Consciousness:
A sound mind in a sound body – this realization has set in from my practice. If I have to sit still in a place for an hour, the body must support it. As of now, it’s a lot about leg aches, numbness, knee discomfort. One good thing Black Lotus has brought into my life is physical exercise. While my current exercise regimen needs more improvement, I do know I should keep my body fit if my mind has to focus and meditate. Another awareness that has set in is of posture. After 15 to 20 minutes of sitting upright during meditation, I feel the need to keep a good posture during the day. I see myself setting my back straight when it slouches (a habit that comes in while working on the PC for most of the day).
Mindful Eating:
Black Lotus has for sure inculcated the practice of mindful eating. I don’t say I have perfected the practice or that I eat mindfully all the time. But things that I am practicing on a daily basis are (1) slowed down the speed of eating (2) keeping away the phone from the dining table (3) saying a prayer before food. I had written about it here (An Effective Eating Practice). These are wonderful methods brought in by Black Lotus to lead a calm day and make the best out our energy input – food.
Other changes I can see and try to practice during the day include – sitting still, still gaze and awareness of breath. Not to forget – remembering to laugh everyday (more at oneself than others 😂). Here is an amusing anecdote (The Price of Pizza).
I had written about Spirituality of a Common Man here (A Common Person’s Spirituality). If there is an app which can help a person practice spirituality in daily life, Black Lotus is it. It is transformational!
Oh Yes! Transformation is not sudden. It’s so gradual, one hardly knows it (look at my stats – 954 days streak and just an iota of change so far). Yet transformation does happen – just like seed germinates into a plant and grows to a tree bearing flowers and fruits, slowly, gradually, steadily. It happens a little every day.
Many thanks to Om Swamiji and the Black Lotus team for this app. Saying thanks in a single line is understating the enormity of the contribution of Swamiji and Black Lotus but that’s about as much words can take me. 🙏
Till 2011 (maybe), I was away from social media. I had no Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn accounts. Maybe it was a sense of being lonely (as I was on frequent travel), maybe it was just curiosity – I don’t recall for sure but I set up a Facebook account. Initially I only accessed it on my laptop but shortly I installed the app. I had just got a proper smart phone those days on which I could browse at decent speeds. And you know what!!! It felt nice – being able to search and find some old friends, see photos of family members. It was a useful medium to connect to people. Although I never was a social butterfly, I took to posting a few photos and videos too. I got lovely comments, appreciation and good wishes as responses. FB felt really good to have. Came 2015 and I started writing my blog. Social media seemed even better. I could share my writings and people would read and reply. I took to Twitter and LinkedIn. LinkedIn was primarily for job hunting but over time, it became another platform for network building. In 2017 when I published my book, I was given to understand that social media is THE place to sell books. I created an FB page to support my “author-avatar”. I went on to have accounts in Goodreads, Google Plus, Medium…. (I don’t even remember where else). I was actively posting content to promote my book. I joined several groups. Responses from friends, family and even some strangers were great. I even connected with people whom I know purely over social media. I spent some money in advertising too (fortunately not much). Without my knowing, social media started taking over a lot of my mind space and productive time. It got me hooked to wanting to see notifications, give responses, connect to new people, post some content – in general be visible and get responses. There was a time when I’d be checking notifications all the time. My mobile was loaded with social media apps. It took two whole years for me to realize what I had done to myself – becoming a slave to the need to be known. Every time I wrote something, I was curious to see how people reacted. This curiosity compelled me to keep checking my social media notifications almost every 10 minutes. And guess what – I was actually enjoying it. The feeling of becoming popular, being talked about. After two years – it dawned to me. The utter waste of time, the futility of the desire for popularity, the complete mindlessness brought in by social media. Bad habits are easy to cultivate – quite difficult to shake off. As much as I would try to consciously avoid looking at the social media apps, it was really difficult to ignore the notifications. I told myself – mental discipline should come from within. But that was not to be. Finally, I hit upon the 1st idea – I changed the settings on the apps on my mobile so that the notifications wouldn’t show. This 1st step helped a lot. Next, after a few months, I moved the apps from my home screen to a side screen. This also helped considerably as they weren’t ease to access any more. These 2 steps relieved me of the habit of chasing notifications. Things changed again till I found the “watch” section in Facebook. It kicked off the attraction to watch videos (my favorites are Tom and Jerry and Charlie Chaplin). This is the latest version of social media addiction. Now that people are getting bored of seeing photos of others, we are getting hooked to short videos. The other enticer was news. Especially during the pandemic, reading news several times a day became another bad habit. The usage fluctuated – high on days, abstinence on some. But it wasn’t all as I would have liked. Then I discovered the “App Block” app. It is an app in which one can set viewing time limits for other apps. This really started helping a LOT and I restricted usage of FB, LinkedIn and Google News to 15 minutes each. What happened was that mindfulness started building. It worked out really well. Finally, after around a month of using the App Block, I uninstalled all active social media apps from my mobile (this must have been about two months back). I still have the Google News for checking reports sometimes but I try to stick to the newspaper on most days. Life is still going now, peacefully and more contentedly without having to check for notifications, look at others’ photos, wish unknow people on their birthdays, respond to comments and express feelings with emojis on social media. It frankly feels better. Social media exploits the fickle nature of the human mind to jump from one thought to another. It jams up creativity. Anything in moderation is fine. Best to be mindful. My current usage is restricted to access only over the PC and not more that 15 minutes a day. The discipline is really rewarding.
It was a weekend when we had a lot to celebrate. And pandemic-time celebrations end up in indulging in food ordered over Swiggy. Tantalizing, tempting, delicious food – which utterly devastate all notions of good health and mindful eating. Yes! It was that kind of an indulgent weekend.
On top of it, there was something to look forward to on the coming Monday. I had long awaited some means to exercise at home. My wife had come up with the idea of having a treadmill and we had ordered it. Monday would be the start of my exercise regime. There was high confidence that I would shed the extra kilos that had accumulated.
So, what better way to indulge than some sinful and delightfully satisfying, bursting-to-the-seams-with-cheese PIZZA 🍕🍕🍕 to top off two evenings of other lesser-on-the-scale-of-junk-food stuff.
This was justified morally too. My neighbour – a fantastic baker (God bless her for those absolutely unmissable, perfectly balanced on sugar, tastefully decorated, enticing cakes and pastries 🍰🍩🍮🧁), had launched home-baked pizzas. It was but natural for kind souls like my family to encourage this move – we would take the impact of junk food on ourselves and shower our neighbour with the kindness of offering business. 😇 After all, what use if a neighbour who can’t do that much 😊. So, out of all kindness (to both our neighbour and our tongues), we had ordered order two large pizzas 🎉🎉.
Speaking of tongues 👅, this little mind-of-its-own muscle, incidentally the strongest in our bodies, is the weakest spot for most people in terms of overcoming temptation. As strong as it is physically, it’s the greatest distraction to mindfulness and good health.
The pizzas came. My neighbour – not be left behind in kindness had made sure the pizzas ooze with extra cheese 🧀. With the milk (maybe cheese) of kindness oozing all over and happiness mixed into the flavour, and the tongue overjoyed at anticipated fulfilment of its greed, we sat down. To my defence, I resolved to be mindful and not indulge too much.
But things being as they were, mindfulness quickly was the last thing in the mind and the great load of joy went caressing the greedy muscle and into the bottomless pit – settled for digestion (or maybe indigestion). The children, especially my son was very happy – he is avid fan of well-made pizzas – my genes working there 👨👦. The joy on his face while diving deep – what bliss.
As for me, it didn’t take much time for my kids after that dinner to ask me – “Appa, how many months? ”
Yes, the poor tummy was all bloated and heavy. But I consoled myself that exercise would reverse this. The gain was just about 1 kg (that day) but the cumulative indulgence of the last few weeks had an effect of a little over 2 kg.
The treadmill came the next day and I started my exercise regime 🏃♂️🏋️♂️. It was just about 15 minutes on the first day (everything should be done gradually). Obviously, the pizza remnants in my body wouldn’t melt away with just 15 minutes of exercise. One has to be patient. I increased the workout to 25 minutes.
A week later – guess what – no weight loss. 😆😀 . This pizza wasn’t going to give up so easily. Another week went by and I realized just increased body activity wouldn’t do.
Step 2 had to be more drastic – it had worked on an earlier occasion. It involved sacrifice – I would have to relinquish (here it comes, not an easy thing to give up). One cup of coffee of my quota of three!
Imagine this – I had already given up morning coffee long back and settled for one after breakfast, one at around 11 am and one around 4 pm. I resolved now to give up the morning cuppa. It works at times to lose a little weight.
And as you would expect, it didn’t happen this time (else I wouldn’t be writing this sordid episode). Two weeks on the reduced coffee ration and still – no weight loss.
Step 3 – I had to up the effort and I had one more up my sleeve – super conscious mindful eating 🧘♂️. This is a proven, ratified method. My personal success is recorded here. While ideally, it should be a habit, I do slip ever so often. Now, there was no option but to release this astra 💥on those 2 excess kgs in my body.
The next 2 weeks saw me eating slowly, mindfully, reduced quantity (a result of mindful eating). I also resolved to make it a permanent habit. Added to exercise, it was an infallible method.
If you’ve scrolled down to assess the length of this post – you would have guessed the outcome. Right – it didn’t work. 😝😀. The pizza had more power than the mind this time. It was a toughie and the situation now called for “Extreme” measures – unleash Step 4.
Step 4 then – this extreme situation and called for the ultimate weapon against excess weight – DIET. 😱I know, it sounds really dangerous and I always pity the one who is on a diet. This time – poor me.
A good doctor had once given me a simple one – eat only boiled vegetables (with a little salt and pepper) for lunch and dinner. On earlier occasions, this diet had been very effective though I only did it for lunch and had a normal dinner. It sounds simple, but let me digress to my earlier experience with this diet.
The first time, on day 1 when I just had boiled veggies (cabbage, cauliflower, pumpkin, beans) I felt it was tasty and simple. It seemed easy and pleasant. After about 3 days, the veggies bowl seemed to have become a little less tasty. By the end of a week, I found it hard to finish even 1 bowl. The tongue was protesting. At the end of 2 weeks, I couldn’t keep it up any more but I had met my weight reduction goal.
The 2nd time I had to follow this diet, I managed to stick to it for just 1 week and then gave up after moderate success.
So, here I was – staring at a 3rd attempt due to the effect a pizza devoured a month ago.
The good news – 5 days into the diet and 1.2 kg down 🥳. That feels good. The pizza is out of my system. I intend to keep up the diet for 1 more week (if the tongue does lash out too much). Added to mindful eating and regular exercise, I hope I would be 1 more Kg down and then normalize my eating. So that, my readers, is the price for a pizza – a test of patience, perseverance, sacrifice, relinquishment (bordering on self-torture 😀). Please draw your own conclusions on whether it was worth it!!!😊
They say it isn’t easy, To tame the head-strong stallion, To teach it the do as it is bid, To harness its strength to journey the way, Before they meet the Bold One.
They say it isn’t easy, To defang the snake and extract its venom, To render it harmless and its weapon use, To do good where harm was to be, Before they meet the Kind One.
They say it isn’t easy, To pull out the clinging leech, Sucking the life blood causing pain, Clouding one to think none else, Before they meet the Positive One.
They say it isn’t easy, To quieten the monkey and train it, Running, jumping, swinging, jeering, Unaware of its wastefulness and chatter, Before they meet the Calm One.
They say it isn’t easy, To let the bird free fly in the sky, To free it from its golden cage, Where it was put into by oneself, Before they meet the Sage.
They say it isn’t easy, To make the huge elephant bow, Carry dwarves, ferry goods, Be docile, faithful, loving, Before they meet the Devoted One.
But it is all easy when one has found, The Bold, Kind, Positive, Calm, Devoted, Sage, Swami, The Stallion Body, Clinging Negativity Leech, The Venomous Senses, The Elephant Mistrust, The Monkey Mind, The Bird Spirit, All align to be One, One with the One Sage.
Notes: When I share my experiences about mindfulness and positivism, there are generally people who remark that it isn’t easy. The idea of this poem had started while I contemplated on this aspect. In His online Satsang on 28-Mar-2021, Om Swamiji stated that He would hand hold everyone on their journey. The words came and the poem took shape. Incidentally published on the day of Sri Hari temple consecration anniversary.
We all get angry at some point of time. While we strive to be mindful, calm, gentle, in control of ourselves, there are always occasions when we lose our cool and burst out.
I’ve had a history of outbursts – from small ones to SUPER LARGE ones. Over time, the frequency and intensity have reduced considerably. Yet, there are times, especially when work stress builds up, when I do lose my head.
Here is some analysis from my past few ones.
Most outbursts aren’t even on the person/s who are related to the cause of the stress. Some innocent victim bears the brunt of the stress one allows to build up.
The worst impact of the outburst is actually on oneself.
An angry outburst is followed by several reactions within oneself:
Guilt
Ego
Blame
Complaint
Loss of confidence
On the path to leading a mindful life, I arrived that the below “formula” to get over the aftermath of an outburst quickly.
Accept yourself – Get rid of the guilt. We are all human. While it may not have been right to get angry and hurt someone, what’s done has been done and there is no point crying over spilt milk.
Accept the Other Person/s – They are human too and subject to the emotional waves we all go through.
Accept the Situation – Lots of issues are completely beyond our control. While things may not be as one would like them to be, acceptance opens the mind to ways of making the best of a given situation.
Apologize – The best way to put down one’s ego is to apologize. Easier said than done. The ego is a formidable opponent. But an apology goes a long way. Ideally, it ought to be genuine. But even a pretense apology is good enough to start with till it grows and becomes a genuine habit.
Look Ahead – Action is a big healer. Once you know you have taken restorative steps, things look positive both within and outside.
Accept – Apologize – Look Ahead.
This should work for any out-of-control situation and help get over those negative sentiments that can pull one down.
By my experience, eating is probably the most direct connection to good health. I think, exercise is only a supplement to good eating habits in the effort to maintain good health.
With the onslaught of myriad disturbances to a peaceful life, one of the worst hit habits is good eating. Not just the kind of food we eat but the way we eat too has become unhealthy. While it’s a much larger challenge changing the entire ecosystem to revert to the good-old-days where food was natural and nutritious, it’s easier to regulate the way one eats food.
I recently discovered a great practice to eat better.
Those who are already using the Black Lotus app must have already practiced this.
One of the Mindfulness Activities in the app is to not move one’s hands while eating. Hats off to Om Swamiji’s genius for devising this simple yet highly effective capsule for good eating.
While there are other practices, I found this one considerably effective and easier to practice. It helps build a good amount of regulation while eating.
I have tried other ways before like not talking while eating, chewing longer and keeping the mobile away from the dining table. But this practice of not moving one’s hands while eating is staying much longer. It’s easier because one has a physical object to focus on – the hands, while eating.
Within 2 weeks of adopting this practice, I have lost a little over a kg of weight. Not that I am overweight in any way, but I have been trying to lose a couple of kilos to have a trimmer waistline. I don’t do heavy exercise, just keep myself active and hydrated.
This one change in the way I eat has helped build immense awareness about what I eat, how much I eat and just how much I need – apart from building mindfulness throughout the day too. I am not going to try to explain the experience I felt, so as not to intellectualize it. I can just reiterate that it’s a great practice. It’s easier to implement and helps tie up other mindful eating habits seamlessly.
If you have tried it out already, please do so – you only stand to gain by adopting this as a habit.
Subhash Iyer 